We are switching it up a little this month. Usually, Fairell Firm attorneys are guiding clients through divorce or assisting clients with child custody or child support issues. We serve clients mostly in the areas that arise after the break-up of a family. But while post-dissolution issues may be our main focus, we also understand the importance of maintaining a stable married life if our client chooses to have one. Our clients sometimes remarry after divorce, or, just before crossing that divorce threshold, decide to call off the divorce and give their marriage another try. That’s why this month’s post is dedicated to marriage and how to make it better. Based on our experience dealing with marriage dissolution, here are a few areas that we notice seem to be vital for a healthy marriage.

Intimacy

An important part of being able to fully serve our clients needs in divorce matters is simply listening to their stories. In conversations with so many of our clients, part of what signals the beginning of the end is the lack of intimacy. Many clients noted how they and their spouse just stopped sharing with each other. They stopped talking about hopes and dreams for the future, their fears and their personal thoughts and feelings about various life issues. Clients often talk about how the lack of intimacy with their spouse made them feel as if they were roommates with their spouse rather than life partners. Continued intimacy is key in maintaining a healthy marriage. Tell your spouse what you’re thinking, what you hope for the future, what you’re scared of. Let your spouse see the vulnerable parts of you, and don’t be afraid to show them who you are. And your spouse should do the same in return.

Money

Money is a major issue in marriages. We see couples struggle with how to manage it–when and how much to spend and save, whether they should have joint accounts or separate, and many other money-related issues. Often couples cannot agree on their roles in handling money. Will one spouse take the main role–handling budgeting and paying the bills while consulting or checking in with the other spouse? Or will both spouses pay bills and keep track of monthly expenses? Often spouses bring opposite but complementary skill sets to the marriage. Is one spouse better at keeping up with the finer details, while the other is better at long term planning? Use those differences to complement each other in money management, not as a source of conflict. Is there a primary earner in the family? Does he or she have all that they need to feel supported and not succumb to the pressures of providing for the family? So many couples wished they had had more financial discussions prior to marrying, so that each partner would know what their role and function would be in terms of merging the finances into one household.

Transparency

In speaking with our clients, we have also noticed that marriages break down when spouses are no longer open and honest with each other. Transparency is important in every aspect of marriage. Include even the smaller details–like telling your spouse that you went out to lunch with coworkers during the day, or stopped off at the mall before heading home–in your conversations with your spouse. It is important for your spouse to be reassured that you are not hiding anything from them. Creating and building trust is essential in a marriage and trust is created when both spouses are open and honest with each other.

The above observations come from clients who have tried everything to save their marriage, but were ultimately unsuccessful. If you find yourself in a similar situation, the Fairell Firm is here to assist you with your legal needs. Let our skilled, experienced attorneys guide you through the divorce process. Call today at 678.973.2803 or contact us to schedule a consultation.