Blog Layout

A Calm Side To Conflict

Feb 02, 2018

 

Let’s face it: dealing with family-related issues can be tough. In legal disputes involving current or former family members, parties are often hurt, angry, disappointed, or feel wronged in some way.

These feelings often surface when dealing with family breakup and divvying up possessions. While peaceful resolutions do occur in family law, the reality is that many cases are emotionally charged, leaving all parties with a heavy sense of loss by the end of the proceedings.

The sentiments often expressed in divorce , custody , or child support cases aren’t exactly feelings of goodwill. But the end of a relationship, a judgment regarding child support, or even the adoption of a child (which inevitably signifies the end of one parental relationship) doesn’t have to mean hostility or hurt feelings.

In a world where society waits hungrily for the next big break up, divorce, or plain old drama to unfold, there is something to be said for extending grace and good will to an ex-spouse or partner.

In her book, “ Between Love and Hate: A Guide to Civilized Divorce ,” Lois Gold, M.S.W, recommends writing what she calls a “Goodwill Letter” to a soon-to-be-ex-spouse.

Gold suggests that the letter include sentiments such as a spouse’s hopes for cooperative co-parenting (if children are involved), or a spouse’s desire to lay any unresolved issues to rest. The letter can also include plans to tackle a difficult issue or problem that might arise in the future. Above all, Gold suggests that this letter be free of attack or blame and that the letter should emphasize a spouse’s desire to improve the present conflict. (Gold, Lois. “How to Talk to a Spouse Who Will Listen.” Between Love and Hate: A Guide to Civilized Divorce. Springer US, 1992. 169-174.)

This same attitude can apply to other circumstances involving family conflict as well. The resounding idea is to extend grace and goodwill where one might not usually do so. There is a peace and calm that comes with forgiving someone who has hurt you, or acting civilly toward that ex-spouse or partner, those former in laws, or even your child’s other set of grandparents. Extending grace and goodwill may certainly be difficult at times, but if the end goal is a peaceable and calm resolution, then these sentiments are a necessity.

The Fairell Firm assists clients in achieving calm, agreeable and fair outcomes. If you are in need of divorce help in Atlanta , call today at 678.973.2803 or contact us to schedule a consultation.

Share by: