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How to Talk to Your Child About Divorce

Jun 08, 2021

If there’s anything more difficult than making the decision to divorce your spouse, it’s gathering the courage to sit down with your child and tell them what’s happening. Whether you and your spouse have been able to keep things amicable in front of them or your relationship has been visibly on the rocks for some time, your child is going to understandably have questions about the future and will likely be upset about the thought of things changing.

This is a conversation they’re likely to remember for the rest of their life, so it’s important to know how to bring up the topic and have the discussion. In today’s post, we’ll provide you with a few pointers you can keep in mind as you have the discussion with your child and take the next steps toward a new future.

At The Fairell Firm, we understand that divorce can be particularly difficult for parents. No matter the circumstances, we’re here to help you through every step of the process and support your family as you work toward the best outcome for everyone. Contact us to schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney, and read on to learn more about how to talk to your child about divorce.

Five Tips for Talking to Children About Divorce

Plan Ahead

By reading this post, you’re already taking the first step toward framing the conversation in a healthy, productive way. Planning ahead is crucial, as you don’t want to find yourself stumbling over your words or accidentally saying something you don’t mean. Think about how you’ll frame the circumstances (more on this in our next point) and keep a few key points in mind that you’ll cover in the conversation. If it helps, you may want to write them down and rehearse them ahead of time.

You should also give some consideration to when you have the discussion. This is a heavy and serious topic, so you’ll want to choose a time when they’ll be able to process. Weekends, afternoons, and other times you’ll be able to spend time together as a family are all ideal.

Work Together

If you and your spouse are on speaking terms, you should try to put your differences aside and have the conversation together. You may be divided in numerous other ways, but you’re united in the fact that you love your child. If you’re currently separated, you should find a space that’s either neutral or most comfortable for your child. In circumstances where you don’t feel comfortable being alone with your spouse or you’re concerned about how they’ll frame the divorce, you should speak to an experienced divorce attorney and ask about mediation and other options that are right for your situation.

Put Blame Aside

Divorce is an emotionally heated experience, and you might find yourself tempted to blame your spouse or weave subtle jabs into the narrative you tell your child. As experienced divorce attorneys, we can tell you with confidence that while it may feel good in the moment, blaming your spouse will only make the situation worse for your child. They’ll likely feel like they have to choose a side or play favorites, and that can quickly damage their relationship with you and their emotional health. Try to use “we” language as much as possible and, depending on the circumstances of your divorce, avoid getting into the details.

Provide Reassurance

Telling your child that you and your spouse are divorcing will likely spark anxiety about the future, and one thing you can do to lessen the anxiety is to provide plenty of reassurance once you’ve broken the news. Tell them what will and won’t happen to their living situation, that they’ll be able to see both of you, and anything else that you know with certainty will stay the same. Most importantly, reassure them that you and your spouse are not getting divorced because of them and that it’s not their fault. Referencing the previous section, this is a point in the conversation that should absolutely be framed with “we” language.

Give Them Time to Process and Adjust

There’s nothing easy about divorce, especially for children. Their emotional faculties aren’t yet fully developed, and they may experience certain feelings for the first time following this conversation. Don’t gloss over their concerns or try to cheer them up by focusing on the future; give them permission to feel how they feel and remember that this is only the first conversation of several that you’ll have with them. If they need time to cool down or process before coming back to the topic, give them that space and let them know that you’re ready to talk whenever they are.

If you notice that your child is having a particularly difficult time processing the change, you may want to contact a mental health professional who can partner with you to support your child.

Contact an Atlanta Divorce Attorney

We hope that today’s post will help you support your child and facilitate a healthy conversation as you and your spouse begin the divorce process. If you need a divorce attorney in Atlanta who will put your needs first, contact The Fairell Firm to schedule a consultation. We can help with child support , child custody , and other aspects of your divorce , all while providing you with the professional guidance and support you deserve.

For even more information about divorce, we recommend looking through the rest of our family law blog.

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